Good morrow fine members. With the clocks having changed, the golfing season is now firmly underway and your erstwhile correspondent is delighted to bring you the latest from the hallowed links.
And much has been happening. Celebrating the imminent arrival of spring we were moved to take a stroll around the closely mown fairways one early March morning. As the dew glistened on the freshly cut greens, we spot a distant figure wandering across the 2nd fairway; lo and behold, dressed in his fetching night shirt it’s Brummie Boy himself. “ I only got up for a wee” he announces “but thought I would put in a bit of putting practice” He announces “ I am the best putter in Narnia you know”
We continued towards the club house as Al Fayed approaches Racing Post in hand, “Morning will be with you in a minute, just got to put on my Treble, Yankee, Trixie and me Super Yankee” “ “Have you seen my new special offers buy one and qualify to buy 17 other things you don’t need- it’s a winner”
Moving quickly on we spot a gaggle of gorgeous girls from the Ladies section. What is this all about we surmise? It soon became clear, as the clock struck 8.00am, enter left the vision of manliness himself, part time model the Sec. Dressed in a rib hugging tee shirt and sprayed on shorts the girls gathered. “ Fraser” whispers the vixen from the valleys Jeannie B, “I’ve dropped me ball marker could you pick it up luvvy “” Wise to their tricks the Sec flashed his gleaming knashers “ Sorry girls not today urgent Secretarial tasks to do “ as he strutted into his office leaving a hint of Denim for Men hanging in the ether
But what of the golf I hear you say ……….
With the season now underway the grumbling gang of guzzling golfers are gathering in increasing numbers for the Fiddles, Niblicks, SAS and any other anachronism you can think of. Needless to say the greens are now too fast, the rough too manicured and the mud too muddy – it was ever thus. A commissary shout out goes to future club champion Andy can I get you a car deal Cottrill. Reports of his urgent search for a new coach in the Lenches section have reached this correspondent’s ears after an 8 and 6 hammering in the recent WHL match against Churchill and Blakedown. Needless to say the gathered golfers applied the level of counselling and support one could expect! And so on to the FLOM, the new super competition devised by the vertically challenged Captain and Al Fayed. With much gold to be won this correspondent awaits with anticipation the results.
As the delightful Gazebo prepares for its summer holidays the sun worshipping gathering will soon be out of hibernation quaffing pints of ice cold lager, moaning and complaining at their misfortune ….. as more grumblings from the gazeebo will report.